Sometimes words ARE enough
by AllArtAnimeLover
Summary: She thought that no one would notice it, because her whole body was covered in scars. But there are always those who notice someone with the same eyes as them. Warning! Contains self-harming. If this subject makes you feel uncomfortable, please don't read. Picture has nothing to do with the story, I just love it a lot!


**A/N This story was one that just popped up in my head yesterday and although it starts off a little dark, I promise it gets better (I hope). To those who also read my KHR story, sorry for slow updates but I don't think that I'll be uploading before December, times are getting busy. I hope that you will enjoy it. It may be a bit crappy, but I am not used to writing shorter stories, so it may read a little rushed. Feel free to leave comments on how bad or good (I hope for good comments/reviews) this story was. Maybe if you guys want, I'll post a second chapter, but then you will have to tell me what to write about. Maybe Gray's past or their wedding. Just tell me, but I won't do it anytime soon so this one is completed. Any other chapters can be read apart (I hope)**

 **Warnings: Self-harming, so it may be triggering for some people. If you can't stand stories like these, or if you feel bad reading them, please turn back. Please do not hate me for writing a story like this, but be warned; self-harming is a touchy subject.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail.**

 **Chapter X: Sometimes words are enough**

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The pain made her feel relieved. She sighed as she ran the sharp edge of her razor over her arm. With her eyes closed she felt how the mental pain slowly disappeared as the physical pain took over. She thought that no one would notice it, because her whole body was covered in scars. But there are always those who notice someone with the same eyes as them. No one had noticed yet, but she knew it was only a matter of time before they would call her upon her scars. For now the feeling of the blade and blood running down her arms were enough.

Lucy turned off the shower and inspected her cuts. She looked at them impassively. She rarely felt like she wanted to cut herself. It was impossible to think about doing it when she was surrounded by friends, who were always making their presence known. They were all, however, out on a mission. One they did not invite her to, but then again she had been in bed with a fever for five days, so it was no wonder they didn't ask her to come with them. Lucy didn't blame her friends; they needed to pay for their rent as well. Lucy wondered for a moment how Erza, Gray and Wendy always paid for their rent, when all their money went to the reparations of the destruction they always caused. She didn't linger on it for a long time; if she really wanted to know then she could always ask. She was sure Wendy would tell, but she wasn't sure if she even wanted to know how Gray and Erza got their money. Lucy sighed as she exited her bathroom, with of course her arms bandaged; they would be healed in three days anyway. How convenient healing spells can be, even if you suck at them.

Lucy entered her bedroom with just a towel around her, as she was drying her hair. She walked towards her bed and sat on it, continuing to dry her hair. As she made the same repeating motions with the towel, her thoughts wandered again, back to the morning and the reason why she had cut again. She was a little disappointed in herself. She knew, of course she knew, that what she was doing was unhealthy, but she always promised herself only once or twice. Never more, because that would be suspicious. The cuts had to be able to be covered with band-aids as well. Never make them in the same place twice, always make them asymmetrical with each other. Those were the only restrictions she made for herself. She just knew that if her teammates were to find out, they would have her head and she was not looking forward to that. So she kept it at a minimum. That did not stop her from harming herself though. The last time had been just a week before she met Natsu in Hargeon. With everything new that entered her life she had never been given a moment's rest to even think about it. This morning had been the first time in nearly a year (eight? If you could count the years they spend away) and for what reason? She was feeling lonely. Loneliness can do a lot to a person and not everyone was strong enough to withstand it. She knew everyone in the guild had at one point experienced loneliness, in several stages. Some mages worse than others, but Lucy didn't compare their loneliness's degrees with each other; they all had their own demons to fight after all.

She knew she wasn't the only one to have harmed herself, which made it dangerous to be around _him_ for a long time, but she still felt comfortable around him. Even when she knew he could find out at any given time. It did look like he had not cut in at least four years, so she figured that he must have stopped with it. She never asked him about the scars on his wrists, she wasn't one to pry. No matter what, she loved her friends and she knew that, although pissed off and greatly disappointed, they would continue to love her as well if they would eventually find out. And they would find out and Lucy wasn't going to stop that. Maybe she wanted them to find out, so that they could drag her out of the darkness that had been trying to consume her for nearly ten years. She silently cried about her dark thoughts as she noticed that her hair was already dry. She stood up from her bed and dragged herself towards her closet, opening it and changing into her pyjamas. She walked back to her bed, having never turned on the light and went to sleep, not bothering with dinner.

She was awoken by a sunlight hitting her face. She groaned as she sat up and stretched herself out. She looked at the clock sleepily and squinted her eyes. 7.23 pm. What a stupid time to wake up to. Lucy shook her head and went to the bathroom to wash her face with cold water. Deprived of her sleepiness, Lucy went to her closet to pick her outfit for the day. She had called Mira yesterday that she was feeling fine enough to come to the guild for a short while, to catch up with everyone. Mira had agreed on the condition that she had to leave before it would get to rowdy; her headache had yet to disappear after all. When Lucy went to her kitchen she made herself some scrambled eggs and toast. When she finished she checked whether or not she had everything, before she grabbed her coat and locked her door. As she was walking down the road, towards Fairy Tail, she shivered. She cursed her bad, yet good, luck. It was cold, freaking much so. Well, it gave her the excuse of wearing her favourite turtle neck, to cover up the band-aids so she wasn't complaining...much. She was still feeling the effects of having been bedridden for nearly a week. She stepped up her pace as she longed for the warmth inside the guild.

She wasn't disappointed. It was still early so not many people had arrived yet. Mira was behind the counter, drying glasses. When she saw Lucy, she smiled and walked from behind the counter towards Lucy to give her a hug. Lucy returned it and smiled at Mira, evidently hiding the pain she felt in her arms. She was starting to regret putting the cuts on her arms. Maybe she should have cut in her legs instead. She could try if she ever needed it again. "Lucy! Oh I'm so glad that you are doing better," Mira exclaimed. As Mira mentioned my name, the other guild members turned to look at me and some came up to me to ask how I was doing. That is what Lucy loved about Fairy Tail; they care. Mira took her to the bar and sat her down. "Wait here, I'll get you something hot to drink. Is there anything else you want?" she asked. Lucy shook her head and thanked Mira.

When Mira put the hot chocolate in front of Lucy, her mouth watered. There was nothing better than Mira's hot chocolate on a cold winter day. Speaking of cold... "Mira do you know when the others are coming back from their mission?" Lucy asked. Mira stopped for a second and looked at her 'agenda'. "Hmm, it says here that they should be finished by tomorrow at latest, so they'll be back soon!" she chirped. Lucy smiled and paid her thanks to Mira. "Lu-chan!" Lucy turned around at the mention of her name. She smiled as her blue-haired friend ran over towards her. For the second time that morning Lucy had to bite back a cringe of pain as she hugged her best friend. "How are you doing, Lu-chan?" Levy asked. "Much better, thanks for asking. Hey Levy, if you have nothing to do, want to come over later?" Lucy asked. Levy looked very excited before she remembered something and her face fell. Lucy noticed and asked her what was wrong. "I-I would love to, but I have a mission planned today. S-so I can't," she stumbled. Lucy saw her cheeks slightly redden and she laughed with mirth. "It's okay, you made the promise first and my offer still stands so you can come over at another time. Let's talk about you and Gajeel then okay?" Lucy asked Levy. "L-Lu-chan!" Levy shrieked. Lucy merely laughed and looked at Levy. She was so happy for Levy that Gajeel finally took the guts to take their relationship to the next level. Although they were not yet lovers, they went on dates frequently.

As Levy and Gajeel went towards their mission Lucy told Mira that she was going home. Mira smiled kindly at her and told her that it was fine. Lucy gave her a tired smile and went home. Her headache had not disappeared, only gotten worse. Lucy was home before she knew it and she immediately walked towards her bed and the moment her head it the pillow, she fell asleep; still wearing her clothes and shoes. What felt like mere minutes had been five hours and it was near half past five in the evening. Lucy felt hot, unbearably hot. That was how she woke up as well, sweating really badly. Her cuts throbbed because of the heat. She noticed that someone had taken off her coat and shoes and had put her in bed, securely. She wiggled free and stood up from her bed. Well, tried to stand up; she fell down within seconds of trying. The door opened and Gray walked in, tray of food in his hands. When he saw that Lucy was awake he put the tray down and walked to her to help her sit up. He quietly sat her down against the head board and when he was sure that she was seated alright he went back to retrieve the tray.

Lucy stared at him with confusion. Her head felt like it was filled with cotton and her nose was stuffy. She mentally hit herself, that is what you get for sitting in a room with only a towel after having taken a shower. "Why are you here?" she asked with a weak voice. He smiled at her kindly but didn't answer yet. He picked up the spoon and put some soup in it. He then handed Lucy the spoon and she obediently ate all the soup until there was nothing left. After she was finished Gray picked up the tray and put it aside. He then started explaining what had happened. "We found out that the job was easier than expected and finished it a day earlier. Because we knew that you had been sick we decided that after we went to the guild to tell Mira we were back, that we would go to your place to check up on you. We found the door unlocked and Natsu ran all the way up to your bedroom in a hurry, worried that you might have been kidnapped. We were glad that you were only asleep but please lock your door first before you go to bed. You don't want to have any weirdoes in your house, do you?" he asked with a slight hint of humour in his voice. "Like a certain pink haired idiot, who chooses to ignore a locked door and comes in through a window?" Lucy asked. Gray laughed at her comeback, but didn't make a comment on it. He then turned serious and Lucy knew she was in for trouble. "Erza and Natsu went home, after they helped me make some dinner for you, but I was the one who put you in bed. Naturally I took off your shoes and your coat." It was quiet as Lucy took in what Gray had told her. She realized that was wearing a different shirt. Realisation struck her and she looked Gray straight in the eye, telling him to continue on. Not really having expected her reaction he continued on telling what happened. "Your cuts were bleeding so I took of your shirt and cleaned them. After that I bandaged them. I haven't told anyone else. I want to know why Lucy," he said. Lucy sighed, but smiled in relief at Gray. He looked at her in surprise before he noticed that her eyelids were becoming heavier. He sighed but smiled softly at her. "Go get some sleep, I'll be here waiting for you," he said.

The next time she woke up was at midnight. As he; promised he was still there. Sitting at her bedside with a light on, reading in one of her books. She shifted and sat up, feeling a lot better after the extra sleep, but still slightly nauseous. Gray noticed her waking up and closed the book, putting it on the table. He straightened up and looked her in the eyes. Lucy closed her eyes and prepared herself for a lot of explaining, but she knew Gray would understand. Gray would understand her. "I was lonely," she started. He raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. Lucy laughed slightly at his reaction but continued, "I have been lonely for most of my life, so that wasn't the initial reason for the self-harming. It was what I associate loneliness with that gets me. When I was little there was this one servant's son who would sometimes play with me in secret. He was really nice, but he had a twisted way of comforting someone. When I grew up I realized what was wrong with him; he had no conscious and had no idea how to keep good and bad separated. In short, he was a psychopath. He loved torturing me even more when I was hurt, it gave him a thrill. At a given moment in time, I think it was my thirteenth birthday, he gave me a small knife. He told me that it was very easy to use and very easy to hide. I had not seen the darkness in his eyes, but when he came to my room that night he showed me what he had always wanted to do. He told me in a gentle voice that is was okay and that he would show me the way to a painless paradise. He told me how to cut myself in the best ways, the most unnoticeable ways. In turn he told me that I had to always remind myself of him when I cut. That way we could be together wherever we were."

Gray looked a little pale but refrained from saying anything as he heard Lucy's story. He knew that the reasons are always extreme. His reason was that he felt guilty, of many things. But he never had the time for it anymore and with recent events he had started to forgive himself for crimes he knew he didn't even commit. His friends helped him realize that, his memories did and Lucy did. Never, ever, had he thought that his dear, sweet Lucy was haunted by the same kind of feelings as him. It made him sad when he saw the amount of scars on her arms and he had silently cried as he replaced the bandages while he looked at Lucy's peaceful face. But Lucy wasn't done speaking yet.

"It was like that for two years, until he went to deep and killed himself. I was shocked but I got over it relatively quickly, considering the fact that I still had his advices. But I didn't lose myself, like he had wanted me to. I was still the same girl, just with scars and ways to rid herself of her pain and torture for a little while. When I ran away from my father was the last time I cut myself. After that I met all of you and I felt no need to cut myself anymore. I had no time and no worries about any of it. But being sick gets me down and being alone for five days with my mind as the only occupation for that whole time, is torture. I was falling back and when I cut myself last night, I felt a relief wash off of me. I knew that what I was doing was unhealthy and I always hoped that someone would pull me out of my darkness. I am so relieved that you pulled me out Gray. I thank you, but I request of you only one thing." It was quiet in Gray was silently crying. "Will you stay by my side? Will you tell me as well?" she asked him. He nodded his head and took her in his arms. "Thank you for sharing Lucy, I don't need to tell you that we care do I?" She laughed lightly and answered with a silent 'no'. "I love you Lucy. You may not know it, but you just being nearby made me happy," he confessed. Lucy felt her cheeks heat up and she rubber her head against his bare chest. They stayed like that for a little while until Lucy got sleepy again. "Want to lay beside me?" she asked Gray. Instead of answering, Gray crawled under her blanket next to her, giving his answer with a cheeky grin. Lucy giggled and hugged her boyfriend close to her. "You saved me as well Lucy," Gray said.

They spend some time laying in bed, talking about their feelings. Lucy felt proud of Gray; he was the type to silently suffer and seeing him being open about himself made Lucy feel special as well. Just before Gray fell asleep he heard a silent 'I've known from the moment I stepped into the guild' as answer to his question 'How did you find out about mine?'. Gray fell asleep with a slightly surprised face and Lucy laughed at it before she went to sleep as well.

She felt refreshed when she woke up the next morning. As the two of them ate breakfast Lucy spoke up. "I think we should tell the guild about us, our relationship and our past." She said it so abrupt that Gray almost chocked on his food. "You do realize that we probably won't be left alone for a least two months after that confession?" he asked incredulously. He saw that she was dead serious. "No rest or peace?" No reaction. "No privacy whatsoever?" he tried as a last effort, knowing Lucy loved her privacy more than anything. But Lucy didn't budge and he sighed. He was in for some yelling and he was not looking forward to that. He looked at the clock and stood up. Lucy looked at him, questioning look in her eyes. "If you want to tell, let's do it now before I chicken out," he said. She giggled at his answer but got up and readied herself. The two of them walked towards the guild and went in together after having taken a deep breath.

As the guild doors opened Lucy and Gray walked in holding hands. Mira squealed at the sight and others turned to look at the two. They whistled and yelled at them, but Lucy and Gray didn't say anything. They looked rather serious and Mira wondered what was wrong. The two of them walked towards the middle of the guild, before stopping and tightening their grip around each others' hands. "There is something Lucy and I have to tell you," Gray started. "As you guessed we are in a relationship, but there is something else we find that you all need to know," Lucy finished. Nearly everyone was already at the guild, so they didn't need to tell anyone a second time. Lucy took a steady breath, before she rolled up her sleeves. She had taken off her bandages that morning so that she didn't need to do that at the guild. Everyone stared at her wide eyes as she showed them her cuts. "These were made two days ago," she started. Everyone was looking at her, but Lucy continued on without showing how nervous she was. "For reasons I find disappointing, I started cutting myself when I was thirteen. I haven't done anything since I entered the guild, but my fever weakened my state of mind and I couldn't handle it anymore. I cut myself. Yesterday when Erza, Natsu and Gray came to check up on me, Gray found out about it. After a long talk we realized that we had more in common than we thought." As Lucy finished her story it was Gray's time to confess. The whole guild was listening in silence and some girls were crying, even Mira and Erza had tears streaming down their faces.

"I used the battles as excuse for harming myself, knowing that tiny scars from my own ice would not be noticed by anyone. Lucy told me that she had known all along, from the moment she entered the guild. She knew from everyone in this guild that they had something to hide and if there is anything you want to tell her she will listen to you, like she listened to me. It felt like a huge relief of my shoulders and most importantly my heart. I feel at peace for the first time in a long time." As Gray ended everyone ran towards them and engulfed them in a huge group hug. "Why, why didn't you tell us earlier?" they all asked in unison. Lucy wanted to answer but Levy was hugging her too tightly for that. "You have to have patience for people who are bothered by something like this. You can't expect people to just come out and admit to others that they were harming themselves. There are a lot of people out in the world waiting for someone to notice or to care. Without you guys knowing it, you helped us. We both felt that we could only tell you after we were at peace with ourselves, after we told each other about how one saved the other," Gray said. It was quiet for a while but everyone unanimously agreed with Gray. Lucy tightened her grip around Gray's hand and smiled at him when he looked at her. They were relieved they really were, but that didn't save them from Erza and Mira. They knew when Erza and Mira looked at them and told them to follow them to the back room what would happen, but they could hope right?

Let's just say that whatever happened in there, made sure that Lucy and Gray stayed clear of Mira and Erza for at least a week. Nothing really changed after that, but others had taken up the courage to confess as well. Not necessarily addictions, or harming themselves, but love confessions especially, we heard everywhere. Natsu had been rather sad that he had not known about any of this and was actually crying when he found out, as one of the few men who dared to show their tears. Surprisingly it was Gray who comforted Natsu by telling him that he couldn't have know, that they both tried really hard to keep it all a secret.

The guild was still as lively as ever, even after Gray and Lucy got married, had children and lived their old days together in a small cosy house, a little time's away from the guild. Their whole lives had been hard, full of obstacles but they had each other and their friends to help and they both would not have wanted it any other way.

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 **A/N Thanks for reading and please review! I know not much happened and that there is not really a progress in it. The ending may have been rather disappointing, but I did not know how else to end this story. Please keep in mind that I do not know how to critically describe a psychopath and that my descriptions on self-harming may not be correct. Thank you for understanding.**


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